Strawberries and Asparagus Have Shaped My Life

or reflections on spring

I heard recently that "last night was only as good as your ability to tell about it." Ok so I heard this on the Podcast I am totally hooked on right now: On Being. Kevin Kling said this in his recent interview. He talks about how he developed his storytelling abilities while growing up with a "disability". He talks about how he shapes his stories based on how people ask him about his arm (or arms since a motorcycle accident completely changed how he uses them both now). Their questions tell how they are relating to him and if they recognize him at all. That idea leads to more thoughts on how we recognize people, or do we even see people that we can not relate to?

After the motorcycle accident Kevin talked to some traffic specialist who said that friends and family members of people who ride, see riders. People who don't know anyone who rides, will not see people on motorcycles. Living in Portland I start think of all the cyclist and walkers/runners.... people not in cars or trucks or SUVs. Who sees them and who doesn't.

Then I do what I often do and go on a bit of a tangent. Who else do we not see? Do we see those who are suffering? How about those that are homeless, the person who is no longer considered unemployed because she has been out of work for so long, refugees, people of color, queers, people in wheelchairs, mental illness.... my list could keep going and growing as I am introduced to more and more people. And then I return to food.

How the heck does all this come back to food?

Well many ways actually, and I am having a tough time focusing, so excuse me if I go all over the place, I promise I will attempt to bring this back all around.

I started recognizing the food on my plate more, the more I shopped at farmers markets. Those are the farmers I recognized from some other time. Some deeper time that I vaguely remember in the deep recesses of my mind. Not the farmers that started taking over the food industry and creating monster sized crops with long perfect rows and growing food that looks strangely perfect. The kind of perfect like plastic surgery that superficially creates a beauty that actually kind of creeps my out.

So I met farmers (and continue to meet growers of food) that I recognized. Farmers that tell stories about the food that I see, recognize, and then taste. Plants/food that makes me want to learn more ways to use and preserve that food. And to share those stories, I mean food with other people.

This also pops up for me as spring is trying to win the battle with winter here in Portland. With spring comes a new chapter of food stories. I see it in the nettles growing in my backyard. The Oregon Grape starting to bloom. The asparagus and strawberries showing up in the store....WAIT! WHAT! NO! NO NO NO NO! These are 2 particularly frustrating foods to see prematurely appearing in the store. Asparagus tells about an amazing vegetable that comes up out of the darkness and greats us, in our place and location, at just the right time. And then we have to seize the moment of this food for its relatively brief presence in our gastronomic pleasure seeking selves. Its the introduction to what is to come. Its distinct flavor, shape, and diversity of colors (purple asparagus is one of my favorites) prepares our bodies and taste buds for the bounty that summer can provide. Getting it from Mexico or even S. California is not just cheating the season, its cheating ourselves. Its premature gratification.

As a kid, the 2 things that I can distinctly remember being in my Grandparents' garden is strawberries (always strawberries) and asparagus. They had many other things, but these 2 things told other stories. The asparagus held the stories of care needed and patience and understanding/misunderstanding of what tender meant. Strong thick stalks could also be tender.Small thin spears could explode with flavor.

Strawberries hold different stories all together. Stories mixed with us kids picking them, jumping over them to go play in the yard, eating dessert of strawberry shortcake.... being patient and watching them grow and change colors. Waiting for just that right moment of perfect flavor, and picking it before the birds did. It is a race that I continue to enjoy, and why I always try and have at least a pot of strawberries growing where ever I am living.

Each time, especially the first time every year, these stories come flowing back into my being, as the flavor fills my mouth. And every year I am just a little anxious about that first bite. Am I ready? The asparagus has a different issue: preparation! How am I going to prepare it? I have some favorite dishes, but the first almost always has to be simple steaming with just a little lemon juice, maybe a pinch of salt. Then I like to move on to versions of pasta dishes and experimenting.

These 2 crops I learned as demarcations to what is about to come, whether it is at the farmers market or in the garden. As soon as they appear, I feel like the possibilities for the meals to come are endless. And that is where potlucks come in.

Since I've moved to Portland, nettles have add to the repertoire of food stories. They are like the foreplay of spring. They help us detox as well as wash the palate clean of the winter and prepare my body for the coming greens. And the stories that go along with gathering nettles... where do you go and find them? How much to you like the sting? Have you tried them raw right of the stalk yet?

But what do we do with these stories about food? My favorite place and way to tell food stories are potlucks. Potlucks are the best place to share stories. You get stories of how people arrived (and later the long happy ride home/or to the river/park...), how the dish they created came to them. Sometimes it was passed down from generation to generation (not often in the vegan world however), they just made it up with what they had in the house, something they have wanted to try for a very long long time. Maybe they didn't bring anything because of some great story. The bottle of wine, or special cocktail, or tea blend, soda maker, home brew. But the one thing that they bring, that we can never do with out, is they bring themselves. The take time out of their day and share themselves with us. The story of what  they are thinking or feeling. The stories of their recent celebrations, or frustrations. The latest crush or the "fuck it, I'm staying single forEVER". Or maybe today, they are quiet and listening... maybe that is the dish they always bring, and we can't do without that either. In fact that is the one we can usually learn a great deal from.

This is one way we can learn more ways to connect with more people. We tell and listen to stories. Then maybe we have just a little pinch more of understanding and connection with someone we maybe have never truly seen before.

Where are the Edges?

Before I get started, I have to say the coffee I'm drinking at Open Spaces today might be the best name for coffee I've ever seen its Squirrel Rhapsody by the local roasters Marigold Coffee. Oh and its tasty too!

watch this video to get an idea of what this post might be about

Well, its almost been a month since I wrapped up the challenge in a not so nice and neat little package, and I am finding that the challenge has finally begun. It was so easy, actually, when I had these semi-clear guidelines, but now that it is really integrated into my life, my choice are so much more thoughtful.

Let's be clear... I've dabbled in some packaged foods. I had a pint of Peanut butter ZigZag (maybe my all time fav of vegan ice cream). It was fantastic. I savoured every creamy, chunky chocolate, frozen peanut butter bite! I've had samples at work that include chips and packaged salsa. I had a bottle of Sessions (that one was disappointing, but it did hit the spot as I was heading into the downside of a very very long shift). Then there is wine. Red wine to be exact. I did not realize how much I was going to miss this until I finally had a glass of Pacific Redwood Pinot. What a nice wine.

Then a group of us went to Seattle for our friend Sage's birthday. I had just finished a bout with food poisoning of some bizzarro nature, so I didn't drink too much. But we did get some 360 vodka, some gin, and there was some really great tonic called Q Tonic. I juiced some very very large Mellon Gold Grapefruits and played bartender.

The next day, we walked up to the Sidecar For Pigs Peace. Its a store for Pigs Peace Sanctuary. Its a place I like to support, but just have such a hard time. Like most all vegan stores (like there are so many), it is just packed full with packaged foods. Last time I picked up a t-shirt, but I really didn't need another shirt, or book (just purchased 3 more from Left-Bank Books the day before), so I picked up a little bottle of wine form the Naked Winery. It was a tasty treat as well.

That's pretty much it... I have purchased a bottle of Dijon mustard and vegan worshester sauce for a vegan Cesar Dressing mix so that my housemate, that is allergic to nuts, could actually eat this salad at a dinner party he was throwing for his son.

What has been brought to my full and upright attention, is fucking GMO.... and yes that is the appropriate f-word for them. Being back into the frey of possibly eating packaged food, I am reminded of the ambiguity of what is in our food. For a year I was focused on what my food is IN because I am really concerned about what is IN my food. The more I learn about what other countries are doing to try and keep GMOs from their food supply, the more angry I get at... at what and whom is more confusing.

I start with Monsanto... the evil fucking empire of the genetic seed world. Then I move to our government that has allowed them to run amok with, not just "our" food supply, but the supply of the world. Then I get mad at the farmers who caved to them and their seed deals (this only lasts for a split second as I remember my youth and what the farmers were facing at the time), then back to Monsanto. At some point to moves to the Marking teams that sold the US on the idea that this would create abundance for a starving planet (remember the famine in Ethiopia in the 80s). Then I get pissed at the American consumer who wanted cheap food and did not question the tasteless tomato in January. Who didn't question why, if this new super wheat was suppose to feed the world, we let it rot in the silos. Or why so much of the grains being grown wasn't for human consumption, but to feed animals (poorly) that could have fed many more people if that grain was grown for consumption by people.

Last week, my lovely farming housemates talked me into going to the monthly event called InFARMation. Its put on by Friends of Family Farms. The conversation was focused on GMOs and featured 2 farmers and the person who wrote the book Food Fray. I learned a great deal about what local farmers are facing, and I plan to write more on the gravity of GMOs especially in the Willamette Valley, but right now I want to talk about consumer responsibility (psst it is democracy in action).

I learned that one of the key things keeping the Wheat in Oregon and Washington, if not organic at least not GMO, is that Japan is one of biggest buyers (i.e. they spend the most money) of  our wheat and they do not, or have not allowed GMOs into their country that is a little island. This is changing however, because they are now allowing GMO papaya this year, and so there is fear that this could lead to them allowing further GMOs in. And in the wake of their really bad year last year with a tsunami and nuclear meltdown...

So I'm not angry with Japan for opening up to GMO, (sad but not angry), I'm pissed to no end that it is other countries' money that is keeping our wheat organic and not us! Size wise we are a very massive county, and we can not save our own food supply! Why are we so complacent? This is what makes me so....MAD that I can't even think of a word, curse or otherwise, that describes my level of anger that is so high it makes me soooo sad. Is there a word for that emotion? Anger so large that creates sadness? Or is it sadness mixed with hopeless despair that I creates an anger so deep?....

Well of that I don't know, but I might have found some answers in what I've been reading and listening to these days. First, a podcast/radio show called ON Being. I think I mentioned it before. And because of it I've been reading Beauty by John O'Donohue. And I believe that beauty may be our greatest "weapon" against despair, violence, glamour, and meritocracy. But even more so was an interview of Tim DeChristopher in Orion magazine.

At the beginning of the interview they talk about something Breyten Breytenbach who said, " You Americans, you've mastered the art of living with the unacceptable." And I believe it is true. We, as Americans have spent decades accepting what is unacceptable by most sane people that are interested in long term survival of ALL. Not short term gratification that brings us a very false sense of security. When Breyten (who spent time in prison in South Africa while fighting the apartheid) was asked what to do, he responded with, "Support people on the margins."

Tim's story essentially supports this (Tim's and all the other political prisoners in this country that have wrestled up the courage to fight the corporate power structure that is our government to free the animals, wilderness, and people that are oppressed by capitalism). The one very clear thing I remember learning in the Permaculture course I took was that change happens on the edges, on the margins, where things are bluring together. The forest doesn't just suddenly become meadow. You don't take one small step out of the tall grass prairie and suddenly stumble onto the desert.

We need to know what we stand for, not what we stand against. Then we need to find the very edge, not the center of compromise, and push in. We need to make people a little uncomfortable. Not the kind of uncomfortable that makes them shut down, but the kind that makes them think, feel, and act.

Can we get people to see past the glamour and shininess of the media machines to see the beauty of simple? That maybe a walk with friends and family just might be much more beautiful than watching TV on a big screen with surround sound speakers.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having nice things, but I am saying that it is difficult to see the mountains, sunset, birds, clouds, when we are vegged out. That I have never made any changes in my life while I was comfortably seated on the throne of complacency and entitled privilege.

What do you care about? What will makes you want to take action? Nothing will change as long as we are complacent... tolerant.... passive.... everyday acts are important and just as vital as direct action in the streets. I do understand the personal dangers of going against the stream. The looks that "friends" give when you do something  counter to the status quo. Those risks are the first steps to facing down the powers of Monsanto, Nestle, Fox, political parties that like to keep us divided, the marking teams that tell us we will be sexy if we use their products. I've got some news for you... Sexy is knowing who you are and what you stand FOR.

And That's A Wrap Folks

laughing into the sunset with friends at The Bye and Bye

As of January 28th, the one year experiment is over. I managed to turn 44 and complete a whole year of not eating packaged food or beverages (except for a 4 day timeout during a difficult trip to the mid-west).

I/we celebrated on the 29th with a brunch at the house. I wanted to have actually completed the full round before celebrating. Brunch was good. I finally managed to make some "field roast" sausages, and to my surprise they were damn good and easy to make! If you want to make your own check out the recipe on Post Punk Kitchen. There is also a link to an amazing amount of varieties. I really want to make a super spicy batch for some Italian dinner night to come soon.

There was also an amazing amount of citrus. I picked up a bottle of 360 vodka so I hand juiced a good amount of grapefruit and cara cara, hamlin, navel, and blood oranges.  It was the first time in over a year that I had consumed an alcoholic beverage that wasn't a micro brew. It was good. The company was excellent, and the conversations were inspiring.

Many questions about what I will do next, but I want to talk about what I've learned in these 365 days.

The first thing I learned was, actually the first thing I realized, I've come away with is a greater faith in myself. I mean I really fucking did this! In many ways it was easy, but only because of where I live, work, and play. But I learned that I can put my mind to something and really do it. There is some discipline in this old gal after all. So maybe I am ready to take on a Spanish course.

I have a much deeper connection to my food sources then ever before. As a vegan with an ethical stance on what my food is not, I've develop a great awareness of what i do not want in my foods. But what about what my food is in? What happens after I've consumed the food? What is the whole picture of consumption? This whole year has brought the attention I've paid over the years to the land, water, air, plants, animals, social justice, human rights, self care, and community all into one package... well un-packaged it all right in front of me actually.

My body feels better than it ever has... mostly. This was a rough year on my old bones. I have spent most of my life relatively injury free... eerily so considering how active I usually am. But this year 2 bike crashes have left me with long weeks of healing up and moving slow. I gave up going to the gym this year for some odd reason, I just couldn't bring myself to go inside to workout. That being said, my body feels leaner and stronger than ever. I consumed way more beer and coffee than I normally would because they were the best choices wherever I was. I explored teas that I normally wouldn't have tried. My food became ever more simple. And my body is feeling great. My mind is clear. And my heart... My heart feels full and open.

I can understand the mind and body, but the heart... Maybe it is the lack of preservatives. Maybe it was the last bike fall that really jarred that part of my ribs. Perhaps I have been able to just open myself up more lately in general and this was just the natural outcome? I like to think that as our foods become "cleaner" and with less harm, it is going to have some kind of effect on those of us that consume it. Perhaps it is that community has become something that has infiltrated my being to its very core.

Without community and friends to support me and give me reasons to try new things I wouldn't have wanted to do this. Without a community of farmers around me, I wonder how much I would be inspired to eat food that had the fewest steps between them and me. And this continues to be my passion. The fewest interruptions between the farmer and me.

Flying Onion Farm... every week I get some of my food from this amazing farm

I was recently introduced to the NPR show On Being. The first episode I listened to was on Grace Lee Boggs. And this 96 year old woman rocked my world in every way. I encourage people to listen at least to the podcast... its the one on Detroit. In fact that entire section Becoming Detroit is inspiring. Detroit has been dealing with the Global economic crisis for 30 years. We have a lot to learn from a community that created movement by building communities and working together; knowing that government is NOT the answer. Government/jobs are NOT the solution. Our imagination, our creativity to solving daily challenges (like food and housing), finding what is possible within ourselves is where we need to look.

There are some phrases I heard during the many podcasts I listened to that I'm trying to figure out how to turn them into actions: "revolution of values" "to name to create to claim" (this one is actually in my notes and I think it is a mixture of everything I've been reading, thinking, hearing), and "we traded quality of life for making a living", I don't think it was making a living but something like that.

So these are the things running amok in my mind when people ask me if I'll go back, or if I will stay on this path. My answer is... Mostly I will stay on this path. I can't imagine going back to boxed food. This week I really wanted to go to a movie, so I stopped into a local theater. The smell of popcorn got to me, so I ordered popcorn and a soda for the first time. Normally I just get a pint of beer and call it good (beer comes in reusable cups and sodas do not). I felt like shit! From now on, its back to bringing my own popcorn (Portlanders, have you tried that new white popcorn that we have? it is amazingly light and fluffy!) and having a micro brew, or nothing at all.

To be honest, I miss burritos. It may be the only food I truly missed and this weekend its burrito reintegration.

What will I do next? That is a big question and I do not have an answer, but I am open to the possibilities and the challenges.

I will keep doing a blog, but I don't know if I will make a new one or just keep going with this one.

I really want to thank so many people who never once thought what I was doing was crazy, or ridiculous, or pointless. Not one person around me discourage me or challenged me in a negative way! Instead what I received was so much support, great gatherings, pep talks, creative solutions, and so much willingness to go along on this journey with me. What a fortunate person I have to have all of you around me, and I hope I support you in your personal challenges as well.

Its amazing what we receive when we give up garbage.

Requested References and a Week to Go

a fall day at the psu farmers market

On Sunday I got to speak to the great group with NW Veg. You know the group. They put on the amazing Veg Fest every year. I was kind of nervous because I figured I would be chatting with the choir. However, it was just another indication of how we all have so much to keep learning from one another. So thanks to an amazing group for another learning moment. Here is the list of resources I promised you... and a few extras. And if any of you have a favorite, please share as well.

The Books I had with me include:
Cook Food: a manualfesto for easy, healthy, local eating by Lisa Jervis.
Making It: Radical Home Ec for a Post-consumer World by Kelly Coyne & Erik Knutzen (they have a blog called Root Simple really the only blog I follow with regularity)
The Natural Kitchen: Your Guide to the Sustainable Food Revolution by Deborah Eden Tull (this is part of the process self-reliance series and I am always awakened by this little dense gem of a book)
Manifestos On The Future of Food & Seed edited by Vandana Shiva (so really once I mention Vandana's name that should be enough, but I am going to add. I think I actually read this way before I started this journey. It has inspired me, encouraged me, and stays as a reminder of where the heart of my passions lie.
Making Stuff & Doing Things: a collection of DIY  guides to doing just about everything by Kyle Bravo (it's title says it all really)

My super secret weapon is a buying guide I picked up so many years ago when I first started cooking on my own with foods of my choice and was learning the virtues of bulk food. I think I paid 50 cents for it 13 years ago at (get ready for it) Wild Oats. Its called World Tastes: Wild Oats' Guide to Buying & Preparing Bulk Foods. It breaks down into grains, beans, rice flour, pasta, nuts & seeds, sea vegetables, mixes, baking essentials, liquids, and dried fruits. I may be going off on this a little too much, but really this is a tool that can last one all their lives. It gives you all the tips and tricks you need to prepare and become friends with bulk foods. Because face it, if you are always having to turn to flip through different shit to remember if you like to power soak and for how long for which bean... your relationship with bulk beans is going to be a strenuous one. Or how much water do I add to that premix dried soup? Its in there! and it has not gone out of style. Well out of design style.... maybe, but the foods have not changed that much. I would love to create something like this for the co-op.

Some others that I dig

Please Don't Feed The Bears! (a vegan cookbook)by Abjorn Intonsus
Wild Fermentation by Sandor Ellix Katz (you can also find this in zine form via microcosm)

Movies:
Bag It
Fat Sick and Nearly Dead
Queen of the Sun

I know there are more, but I can't think of them right now.

the coops favorite feline friend

True motivation comes from having passing conversations, or spontaneous long chats. Then there is the sharing of food. That is the best.

I'm entering this last week, and it may be the toughest one. People have offered tastes of their food, and I have to say no because something in it came from a package. They get that look people get when they really want to share something with you, and realize it isn't going to happen. And I respond with "Well, in a week I can". And that sounds so weird and arbitrary to me, though I know its not. Then I muse with myself on what I will "allow" in my life, my body, "my" kitchen [I live in a collective of 5 other people so when I say "my" kitchen I mean the part I'm using when I am in it].

So until that moment 2 weeks from now when someone offers to share something with me, I  honestly don't know how I will answer. For now, I am preparing the celebration gathering... un-packaged brunch! Its my favorite meal, and I can't wait!

Lets Not Occupy

This little adventure is winding down into the final weeks. I imagine that I'll be processing the effects of it on my whole self for awhile. People have been asking me what I have learned, or what I am going to do once the time is up. What will I re-introduce into my life... besides whiskey and wine. Its a good question and I'm not really sure.

As I wrote last time, I've been reading Murry Bookchin and Ursala LaGuin, and I've added Recovering The Sacred: The Power of Naming and Claiming by Winona LaDuke. Adding this third book has helped connect my mind and heart a little more with my spirit. And it makes me wonder why the Occupy movement is using the term "occupy". The U.S. occupation of other peoples' land and resources usually leads most of us to fight for corporations to get the hell out of places. I know its different and I know that its not the same thing, but.... it kind of is.

As I look at the bowl of food holding my meal, I look into the bowl and muse over where the rice came from, the farmer I just bought that sweet kale from, the distance the beans traveled from poll to bowl, and the co-worker that rung me up, the delivery driver/biker, the rain, sun, soil, sweat... that is in that bowl of nutritional healing of body and spirit. I begin to look at all the elements in my life (the computer I'm using to write these words, the old desk I picked up on the side of a road, the cloths covering my body, etc) and wonder what would happen if they all included the list of ingredients that went into their making.

What if the cell phone I use actually listed the sources of everything in it, how many trees and precious minerals it took to make it work, how much oil, how many sweat shop workers it took to make it, how many hands its passed from its making to my text message moment, how many countries we are occupying to have access to said resources... If we knew all that it really took just by reading the box, would we still want to have it? would we get a new phone every time our contract came up? would we require that things last longer? would we pay more to make sure everyone in the process was treated fairly? Or would we just keep burying our heads and consume just the same? I don't know.

For my fellow health food nutty friends: I just read about the reason for the abundance of Klamath spiralina. You know, that amazing blue-green algae we love so much that we can get from the Klamath lake/river here in Oregon. Seems (according to what I just read in LaDuke's book) that it is from the nitrogen run off from the farms around the river. The algal bloom sucks the dissolved oxygen from the water and suffocates the fish. The fish kill is fairly regular and is something that plagues the river. In the year 2000, its estimated that this was responsible for the death of 300,000 fish. What do I do with this information? I always thought that this algae was just something that naturally grew, not a by-product of the over use of fertilizer in farming in the area. I didn't ask enough questions. Maybe the harvesting of it is a good thing, and less of it is choking out the fish. For sure I need to do more research if this is something I want to include in my diet.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I want my choices to be in favor of NOT occupying the land, water, air, etc in un-respectful ways. I want others to not occupy my life. I want my choices to cause less harm. There is a story in LaDuke's book about a man who's grandfather was headman for the Plaikni people. When he returned from WW II the U.S. government was trying to terminate contracts to the Native folks and give them money for releasing them from government oversight, allowing private enterprises to exploit the land and resources. This man, Edison Chiloguin, refused to cash the checks, "The earth is my mother; I cannot sell my own mother.". He fought the government and in 1980 President Carter signed the Chiloquin Act granting Edison trust deed to the Plaikni Village the 580  acres to keep for traditional cultural purposes, not commercial.

What if we all treated the earth as such, as something that can not be bought or sold? What if everything we took from the land was treated with reverence and thanked for its use? What if we all tried to occupy a little less space and maybe just a little more compassion in this world?

I would settle for a little thanks for all that we have..... for now.

Occupy what? Why?

So I just finished 3 shells of kava... If this goes off a little I'm just a bit excited in that relaxed sort of way. That's not the only reason. I've also had one of the best holiday seasons in a very long time. For some time now, I've had mixed feelings about the "holiday" season. Its just always felt a little off. Too much about Santa... well Santa isn't the evil one (unless you get that creepy one in the Christmas Story). Its the over consumption that Santa and even Jesus represents. The spirit, that maybe I've never truly experienced, is what I have missed or yearned for. There is suppose to be a magical sense of expectation of something, but not so much what people purchase for you, but a sharing of something warmer and more familiar.

This year I experienced that. It started with Thanksgiving.... simple food that everyone was excited to share. Then I had a quiet Solstice celebration with lots of wonderful candles and just a few people who I got to tell how much I appreciate the warmth and light they add to my life (and I awoke to do a sunrise fire... a first of many, I hope).

Then came Christmas. A holiday I struggle with every year. My safe and usual way of moving through this day is to stay home and eat lasagna, drink a lot of beer or wine, and watch a ton of movies. Maybe take a super hot and long bath. This year it took a twist. Some people I have been growing bonds of deeper friendships; people that are helping me grow into Kim, love Christmas. To watch the joy on someones face who truly loves something is irresistible. And I got to see this about Christmas, and there weren't little kids running around us playing with new toys. So what happened?

We had a slumber party Christmas Eve night with some gift exchange (I'll explain the magic of this soon). There were snacks and beverages and games and movies (Christmas ones naturally). People gradually found  a comfy place to sleep. Then slowly we awoke to make breakfast. We heated up some sweet rolls from Dovetail, made fresh orange juice (my favorite blend of navel and blood oranges), coffee, tea, vit min greens, steamed greens, roasted roots roasted potatoes, home made vegan sausage, fresh fruit, vegan french toast... that maybe it... so good... oh and home made soy milk and fresh hot hot sauce! SO GOOD! Then we did another gift exchange.

All the gifts had to be things that you were planning to re-gift already, or be something inexpensive and "creative". There was so much fun stuff. No one really even tried to "steal/trade". It was like it was a gift from a stranger that knew just what kind of random thing found on their bookshelf and knew, just knew, it was exactly what you had been searching forr. It was so relaxed. So peaceful. It was the joy of opening a package with no expectation of what would be inside... just the joy of sharing. So.... familiar somehow.

When I finally tore myself away from the wonderful environment, I had the most amazing daytime bike ride I may have ever had. The streets were nearly empty of cars! I took whole lanes. I ran stop signs. Hell, I ran stop lights. I went  slow. I weaved all over the place just for the fun of it. The city was closed up, except for the 2 east side co-ops. Its left me thinking.... progress and the sloughing of some traditions (even if they are based in christian or Jewish traditions) might be alright to have around.

What ever could I mean? In Kansas, and states in that never ending belt of religious zealousness (read southern Baptists). Growing up I thought these "Blue Laws" were stupid. I only got a couple days out of school and work and I should be able to get what I want when I want them. In retrospect, I really miss things being closed. I believe that shortly after our town (maybe the whole state did it at once), we stopped having dinner every Sunday at the Grandparents house. We'd go to the diner. Then I started working at a fast-food joint (yes there is irony here). There is something special about the City being shut down for a day (except for the service industry... mostly having to do with health care), and being forced to deal with what you have for a day. Entertain yourself. Feed yourself. Care for yourself.... and you friends, family, strangers on the street.

Yes, I am saying here and now.... I long for the return of all those forms of consumption being shut down for a day.... every week. Profits will be just fine. People will be alright.... potentially thrive even!

What's this got to do with Occupy?

Lots actually. I live in a city that prides itself on the DIY culture that came out of the punk movement. The whole "fuck it, I'll make it myself" attitude that includes "I'm sure as hell not buying it from those corporate bastards". I live in a part of the city where I don't have to go to Starbucks for a mug of coffee. I don't have to go to Whole Foods for organic veggies. We even have a local fast-food joint, Burgerville. Its actually vegan friendlyish, and their to-go material aren't too bad... for real compostable even, I think, I haven't been there in like 2 years.

What has actually got me on this rant is reading Murry Bookchin. Specifically His book The Ecology Of Freedom. It takes us deep into the theories and how to practice social ecology. This mixed with reading Dharma Punx books, Thich Nhaht Hahn, and Always Coming home by Ursala La Guin; I've been thinking about how I play in this world, and what the hell am I doing here in it.

I'm also moving into the last month of this project and wondering "what next". People ask me what I have learned from this spontaneous challenge. Add to this the Occupy Movement, and I have one dosey of a mind bender. I have been trying to figure out how I want to participate in the Occupy Movement. I totally support it and love that it is happening, but I don't know how I want to be involved. Working in the coop, a model of the alternative. I have used credit unions for a very long time, I feel that nurturing these community cornerstones is more essential than ME taking to the campsites.

I've learned a great deal, but we'll save that until next month.

What I would like to consider is not so much how I am going to Occupy Portland, or close the Ports, or go Occupy Wall Street, or Congress. All very super important endeavors, but how to I/ You Occupy our lives. Our daily actions. Is a spontaneous action on my part going to be buying some random object, or pick up the guitar and make up a song, or call a friend to come have a cup of tea or go for a walk, or write a letter to an old/new friend?

Do you know the power dynamics of the things you use everyday? Your food, cloths, transportation? Can you learn more?

In the zine book Making Stuff & Doing Things, there is a page about the differences in Reflex, Reaction, and Action. Reflex is like the basic reflex of getting pissed when someone challenges your core beliefs that you are not ready to question, self-defence (mental or physical). ReAction is tossing bricks. It's riots in the streets, fighting back, picketing, striking.... Its saying "NO!" Action is "growing vegetables, squatting or building houses, occupying factories, and making clothing. Action is saying"yes" to community needs." Are we going to give a list of demands, or are we going to tell "them" what we are going to do (and then go do them)?

These are the things I am thinking as I enter the final month of this adventure. It will continue in a different form as I decide how the heck I am going to Occupy my life. What do you want to occupy?

And I Do Give Thanks

Ever wonder why some of the busiest days at queer bars are over the holidays? Wonder why your vegan or veg friend dreads coming "home" for the holiday season?

Imagine the person you love feeling so out of place and awkward that you just want to whisk them to comfort as quick as possible, or never getting to meet the folks because they run away as soon as they know you are in the house.

Imagine looking at the dinner table that the people you have known all your life are awaiting with growling stomachs and drooling mouths, but all you see is suffering.

Now, imagine coming home for the holidays as a queer vegan. All you want is to share your warm and loving family with the person you have found love and refuge, in a world full of.... well you know what the world is full of, so you agree to go separate ways for this one... It is tough.

And many times, that time equals all the "vacation" time you can afford to travel 1700 miles each way, so... that is your relaxation time for the year... anxiety ridden as it is. Still wonder why people don't go "home" for the holidays?

I've chosen not to go home for the "holidays" for quite some time now. I love my family with all my heart. They are kind people... who love to eat animals, shop, watch sports (they even know all the commercials for items I didn't even know where for sale), and I am the only one who is out as queer. I tried for awhile because it meant so much to my my mom, my niece and nephews; but its so difficult. The over-consumption is just, well, too much.

pre "bring it out"

I usually stay where I have created a home and have an "orphans" dinner. It is always fun, but this year, it was AMAZING!

getting closer

hey! who already got a piece of cornbread?!

Not only did I have 3 Thanksgivings, but 2 of them were vegan and 1 was package free. (excuse me but) FUCK YEAH! See! Even a feast can be package free. Ok so there was a bottle of wine, and some whiskey, but there was also Captured by Porches... and all that is just beverages anyway.

The Thanksgiving Day dinner that was package free is what I am going to talk about here. There were 6 of us at Brian and Mary's place, and we all prepared a feast. There was Brian's Bloaf 2.0, stuffing, green beans, brussel sprouts, cranberry salad, greens, enemy salad, dinner rolls, gluten-free corn bread, gravy, sweet potato brown sugar goodness, mash potatoes (I know I am missing things, but can't think of it all now).... the table was full. We even had appetizers with a sweet potato and tahini dip... and then we had dessert: apple quince pie, and pumpkin pie (for real the pumpkin pie was package free... no silken tofu and freaking rock-star good with cashew whip cream on top! f@#$ yeah!)

It was a day full of laughter, kindness, and good digestion. Even as I cooked in at my house, I was greeted by housemates coming (to change after one heck of a muddy family soccer game) and going to get junk food for a quiet day alone in the house, or off to other family and friends. All the while noticing the shifting scents in the house from simmering quince (my first time) to baking sweet taters and steaming greens.... music playing and me dancing with my veggies.... and in honor of Grandma, I never left my soft clothes.

Once we resigned ourselves to NO MORE! We brought out the big weapons of mass relaxation. We carried the futon up from the basement and created the movie moment of the night. We watched Bridesmaid with full stomachs, a fire, and a futon/sofa pit-group! Brian was quite the trooper with 5 women kicked back ready to laugh.

Popcorn popped, toddies or tea made, puppies settled in, we watched one of the funniest movies I've seen in a very long time. Come on! Women with poop and and sex jokes! It was Brilliant.

go Brian!

Look at that steam!

Not sure what happened, but DAMN! that was good!

We then ate dessert and settled in for another movie... Note: no football. No stories of shopping heroics. No one getting up to go camp out in front of some fucking store for great deals. Some thoughts of Buy Nothing Day and Fur Free Friday. But fuck it. We are living the Occupy movement. Most all of our food came either from the co-op or the Farmer's Market.  I stirred my sugar and molasses together to make by brown sugar to go on top of the local sweet potatoes (I know sugar sucks, but... I'm getting there). Oh and while dinner was finishing up the browning of the Bloaf and stuffing, the Record Player was spinning the likes of Pancake Breakfast and some jazz that I just kicked back and enjoyed the snaps and crackles... and we played a game of some kind... oh Taboo I think.

Humm, I had a point.

oh yeah... pie and cashew cream!

When you live outside the "mainstream world" you may still long for the warm fuzzy moments in life. You still want the safe and secure moments where you look at a table full of food and see the gifts spilled out before you with the cornucopia of feelings that everyone you love, feels loved and secure in a season full of strife and challenges.

Why do we have so many celebrations as we enter the coldest, harshest seasons of the year? To remind us that we have so much. We have the warmth, kindness, and love of our friends and family. We have people around us that work hard to make sure that we get good wholesome food on our tables to feed us in our work. We have people willing to stand up in the face of injustice to say "No!"

And we have people willing to say "I will not eat animals"

People who say "I love you".

So here is what I suggest. Stay HOME for the holidays (however you celebrate and with whom you celebrate), and go "home" on less stressful times when you can actually spend quality time with each one. Go swing with the kids in the park. Go for a walk with your aunts and uncles. Chat your grandparents up while everyone else is off talking about the latest bud-light commercial that you will never see. And then.... serve them all your latest concoction of goodness. They don't have to know you rode your bike 20 miles to get it and spent several hours fermenting it to just the right.... well there are just some things family doesn't need to know...

After it was all complete, and I followed my friend out for a ride home, I decided I'd walk home. It was such a fantastic walk. I may have actually hummed to myself as I gazed at the moon. The cool crisp air was refreshing after such a warm comforting day. I slept well dreaming of the season to come.... rumor has it there will be a slumber-christmas party.

And here I give gratitude for finding a community where I feel supported, and for a family that does not make me feel guilty for the choices I am making in my life, and though they may not understand them, they respect me for pursuing a life that feeds me and allows me the space and energy to give back.

Thanks everyone. With 6 weeks or so to go, I'm already thinking "what is next"!