And I Do Give Thanks

Ever wonder why some of the busiest days at queer bars are over the holidays? Wonder why your vegan or veg friend dreads coming "home" for the holiday season?

Imagine the person you love feeling so out of place and awkward that you just want to whisk them to comfort as quick as possible, or never getting to meet the folks because they run away as soon as they know you are in the house.

Imagine looking at the dinner table that the people you have known all your life are awaiting with growling stomachs and drooling mouths, but all you see is suffering.

Now, imagine coming home for the holidays as a queer vegan. All you want is to share your warm and loving family with the person you have found love and refuge, in a world full of.... well you know what the world is full of, so you agree to go separate ways for this one... It is tough.

And many times, that time equals all the "vacation" time you can afford to travel 1700 miles each way, so... that is your relaxation time for the year... anxiety ridden as it is. Still wonder why people don't go "home" for the holidays?

I've chosen not to go home for the "holidays" for quite some time now. I love my family with all my heart. They are kind people... who love to eat animals, shop, watch sports (they even know all the commercials for items I didn't even know where for sale), and I am the only one who is out as queer. I tried for awhile because it meant so much to my my mom, my niece and nephews; but its so difficult. The over-consumption is just, well, too much.

pre "bring it out"

I usually stay where I have created a home and have an "orphans" dinner. It is always fun, but this year, it was AMAZING!

getting closer

hey! who already got a piece of cornbread?!

Not only did I have 3 Thanksgivings, but 2 of them were vegan and 1 was package free. (excuse me but) FUCK YEAH! See! Even a feast can be package free. Ok so there was a bottle of wine, and some whiskey, but there was also Captured by Porches... and all that is just beverages anyway.

The Thanksgiving Day dinner that was package free is what I am going to talk about here. There were 6 of us at Brian and Mary's place, and we all prepared a feast. There was Brian's Bloaf 2.0, stuffing, green beans, brussel sprouts, cranberry salad, greens, enemy salad, dinner rolls, gluten-free corn bread, gravy, sweet potato brown sugar goodness, mash potatoes (I know I am missing things, but can't think of it all now).... the table was full. We even had appetizers with a sweet potato and tahini dip... and then we had dessert: apple quince pie, and pumpkin pie (for real the pumpkin pie was package free... no silken tofu and freaking rock-star good with cashew whip cream on top! f@#$ yeah!)

It was a day full of laughter, kindness, and good digestion. Even as I cooked in at my house, I was greeted by housemates coming (to change after one heck of a muddy family soccer game) and going to get junk food for a quiet day alone in the house, or off to other family and friends. All the while noticing the shifting scents in the house from simmering quince (my first time) to baking sweet taters and steaming greens.... music playing and me dancing with my veggies.... and in honor of Grandma, I never left my soft clothes.

Once we resigned ourselves to NO MORE! We brought out the big weapons of mass relaxation. We carried the futon up from the basement and created the movie moment of the night. We watched Bridesmaid with full stomachs, a fire, and a futon/sofa pit-group! Brian was quite the trooper with 5 women kicked back ready to laugh.

Popcorn popped, toddies or tea made, puppies settled in, we watched one of the funniest movies I've seen in a very long time. Come on! Women with poop and and sex jokes! It was Brilliant.

go Brian!

Look at that steam!

Not sure what happened, but DAMN! that was good!

We then ate dessert and settled in for another movie... Note: no football. No stories of shopping heroics. No one getting up to go camp out in front of some fucking store for great deals. Some thoughts of Buy Nothing Day and Fur Free Friday. But fuck it. We are living the Occupy movement. Most all of our food came either from the co-op or the Farmer's Market.  I stirred my sugar and molasses together to make by brown sugar to go on top of the local sweet potatoes (I know sugar sucks, but... I'm getting there). Oh and while dinner was finishing up the browning of the Bloaf and stuffing, the Record Player was spinning the likes of Pancake Breakfast and some jazz that I just kicked back and enjoyed the snaps and crackles... and we played a game of some kind... oh Taboo I think.

Humm, I had a point.

oh yeah... pie and cashew cream!

When you live outside the "mainstream world" you may still long for the warm fuzzy moments in life. You still want the safe and secure moments where you look at a table full of food and see the gifts spilled out before you with the cornucopia of feelings that everyone you love, feels loved and secure in a season full of strife and challenges.

Why do we have so many celebrations as we enter the coldest, harshest seasons of the year? To remind us that we have so much. We have the warmth, kindness, and love of our friends and family. We have people around us that work hard to make sure that we get good wholesome food on our tables to feed us in our work. We have people willing to stand up in the face of injustice to say "No!"

And we have people willing to say "I will not eat animals"

People who say "I love you".

So here is what I suggest. Stay HOME for the holidays (however you celebrate and with whom you celebrate), and go "home" on less stressful times when you can actually spend quality time with each one. Go swing with the kids in the park. Go for a walk with your aunts and uncles. Chat your grandparents up while everyone else is off talking about the latest bud-light commercial that you will never see. And then.... serve them all your latest concoction of goodness. They don't have to know you rode your bike 20 miles to get it and spent several hours fermenting it to just the right.... well there are just some things family doesn't need to know...

After it was all complete, and I followed my friend out for a ride home, I decided I'd walk home. It was such a fantastic walk. I may have actually hummed to myself as I gazed at the moon. The cool crisp air was refreshing after such a warm comforting day. I slept well dreaming of the season to come.... rumor has it there will be a slumber-christmas party.

And here I give gratitude for finding a community where I feel supported, and for a family that does not make me feel guilty for the choices I am making in my life, and though they may not understand them, they respect me for pursuing a life that feeds me and allows me the space and energy to give back.

Thanks everyone. With 6 weeks or so to go, I'm already thinking "what is next"!