Occupy what? Why?

So I just finished 3 shells of kava... If this goes off a little I'm just a bit excited in that relaxed sort of way. That's not the only reason. I've also had one of the best holiday seasons in a very long time. For some time now, I've had mixed feelings about the "holiday" season. Its just always felt a little off. Too much about Santa... well Santa isn't the evil one (unless you get that creepy one in the Christmas Story). Its the over consumption that Santa and even Jesus represents. The spirit, that maybe I've never truly experienced, is what I have missed or yearned for. There is suppose to be a magical sense of expectation of something, but not so much what people purchase for you, but a sharing of something warmer and more familiar.

This year I experienced that. It started with Thanksgiving.... simple food that everyone was excited to share. Then I had a quiet Solstice celebration with lots of wonderful candles and just a few people who I got to tell how much I appreciate the warmth and light they add to my life (and I awoke to do a sunrise fire... a first of many, I hope).

Then came Christmas. A holiday I struggle with every year. My safe and usual way of moving through this day is to stay home and eat lasagna, drink a lot of beer or wine, and watch a ton of movies. Maybe take a super hot and long bath. This year it took a twist. Some people I have been growing bonds of deeper friendships; people that are helping me grow into Kim, love Christmas. To watch the joy on someones face who truly loves something is irresistible. And I got to see this about Christmas, and there weren't little kids running around us playing with new toys. So what happened?

We had a slumber party Christmas Eve night with some gift exchange (I'll explain the magic of this soon). There were snacks and beverages and games and movies (Christmas ones naturally). People gradually found  a comfy place to sleep. Then slowly we awoke to make breakfast. We heated up some sweet rolls from Dovetail, made fresh orange juice (my favorite blend of navel and blood oranges), coffee, tea, vit min greens, steamed greens, roasted roots roasted potatoes, home made vegan sausage, fresh fruit, vegan french toast... that maybe it... so good... oh and home made soy milk and fresh hot hot sauce! SO GOOD! Then we did another gift exchange.

All the gifts had to be things that you were planning to re-gift already, or be something inexpensive and "creative". There was so much fun stuff. No one really even tried to "steal/trade". It was like it was a gift from a stranger that knew just what kind of random thing found on their bookshelf and knew, just knew, it was exactly what you had been searching forr. It was so relaxed. So peaceful. It was the joy of opening a package with no expectation of what would be inside... just the joy of sharing. So.... familiar somehow.

When I finally tore myself away from the wonderful environment, I had the most amazing daytime bike ride I may have ever had. The streets were nearly empty of cars! I took whole lanes. I ran stop signs. Hell, I ran stop lights. I went  slow. I weaved all over the place just for the fun of it. The city was closed up, except for the 2 east side co-ops. Its left me thinking.... progress and the sloughing of some traditions (even if they are based in christian or Jewish traditions) might be alright to have around.

What ever could I mean? In Kansas, and states in that never ending belt of religious zealousness (read southern Baptists). Growing up I thought these "Blue Laws" were stupid. I only got a couple days out of school and work and I should be able to get what I want when I want them. In retrospect, I really miss things being closed. I believe that shortly after our town (maybe the whole state did it at once), we stopped having dinner every Sunday at the Grandparents house. We'd go to the diner. Then I started working at a fast-food joint (yes there is irony here). There is something special about the City being shut down for a day (except for the service industry... mostly having to do with health care), and being forced to deal with what you have for a day. Entertain yourself. Feed yourself. Care for yourself.... and you friends, family, strangers on the street.

Yes, I am saying here and now.... I long for the return of all those forms of consumption being shut down for a day.... every week. Profits will be just fine. People will be alright.... potentially thrive even!

What's this got to do with Occupy?

Lots actually. I live in a city that prides itself on the DIY culture that came out of the punk movement. The whole "fuck it, I'll make it myself" attitude that includes "I'm sure as hell not buying it from those corporate bastards". I live in a part of the city where I don't have to go to Starbucks for a mug of coffee. I don't have to go to Whole Foods for organic veggies. We even have a local fast-food joint, Burgerville. Its actually vegan friendlyish, and their to-go material aren't too bad... for real compostable even, I think, I haven't been there in like 2 years.

What has actually got me on this rant is reading Murry Bookchin. Specifically His book The Ecology Of Freedom. It takes us deep into the theories and how to practice social ecology. This mixed with reading Dharma Punx books, Thich Nhaht Hahn, and Always Coming home by Ursala La Guin; I've been thinking about how I play in this world, and what the hell am I doing here in it.

I'm also moving into the last month of this project and wondering "what next". People ask me what I have learned from this spontaneous challenge. Add to this the Occupy Movement, and I have one dosey of a mind bender. I have been trying to figure out how I want to participate in the Occupy Movement. I totally support it and love that it is happening, but I don't know how I want to be involved. Working in the coop, a model of the alternative. I have used credit unions for a very long time, I feel that nurturing these community cornerstones is more essential than ME taking to the campsites.

I've learned a great deal, but we'll save that until next month.

What I would like to consider is not so much how I am going to Occupy Portland, or close the Ports, or go Occupy Wall Street, or Congress. All very super important endeavors, but how to I/ You Occupy our lives. Our daily actions. Is a spontaneous action on my part going to be buying some random object, or pick up the guitar and make up a song, or call a friend to come have a cup of tea or go for a walk, or write a letter to an old/new friend?

Do you know the power dynamics of the things you use everyday? Your food, cloths, transportation? Can you learn more?

In the zine book Making Stuff & Doing Things, there is a page about the differences in Reflex, Reaction, and Action. Reflex is like the basic reflex of getting pissed when someone challenges your core beliefs that you are not ready to question, self-defence (mental or physical). ReAction is tossing bricks. It's riots in the streets, fighting back, picketing, striking.... Its saying "NO!" Action is "growing vegetables, squatting or building houses, occupying factories, and making clothing. Action is saying"yes" to community needs." Are we going to give a list of demands, or are we going to tell "them" what we are going to do (and then go do them)?

These are the things I am thinking as I enter the final month of this adventure. It will continue in a different form as I decide how the heck I am going to Occupy my life. What do you want to occupy?

And I Do Give Thanks

Ever wonder why some of the busiest days at queer bars are over the holidays? Wonder why your vegan or veg friend dreads coming "home" for the holiday season?

Imagine the person you love feeling so out of place and awkward that you just want to whisk them to comfort as quick as possible, or never getting to meet the folks because they run away as soon as they know you are in the house.

Imagine looking at the dinner table that the people you have known all your life are awaiting with growling stomachs and drooling mouths, but all you see is suffering.

Now, imagine coming home for the holidays as a queer vegan. All you want is to share your warm and loving family with the person you have found love and refuge, in a world full of.... well you know what the world is full of, so you agree to go separate ways for this one... It is tough.

And many times, that time equals all the "vacation" time you can afford to travel 1700 miles each way, so... that is your relaxation time for the year... anxiety ridden as it is. Still wonder why people don't go "home" for the holidays?

I've chosen not to go home for the "holidays" for quite some time now. I love my family with all my heart. They are kind people... who love to eat animals, shop, watch sports (they even know all the commercials for items I didn't even know where for sale), and I am the only one who is out as queer. I tried for awhile because it meant so much to my my mom, my niece and nephews; but its so difficult. The over-consumption is just, well, too much.

pre "bring it out"

I usually stay where I have created a home and have an "orphans" dinner. It is always fun, but this year, it was AMAZING!

getting closer

hey! who already got a piece of cornbread?!

Not only did I have 3 Thanksgivings, but 2 of them were vegan and 1 was package free. (excuse me but) FUCK YEAH! See! Even a feast can be package free. Ok so there was a bottle of wine, and some whiskey, but there was also Captured by Porches... and all that is just beverages anyway.

The Thanksgiving Day dinner that was package free is what I am going to talk about here. There were 6 of us at Brian and Mary's place, and we all prepared a feast. There was Brian's Bloaf 2.0, stuffing, green beans, brussel sprouts, cranberry salad, greens, enemy salad, dinner rolls, gluten-free corn bread, gravy, sweet potato brown sugar goodness, mash potatoes (I know I am missing things, but can't think of it all now).... the table was full. We even had appetizers with a sweet potato and tahini dip... and then we had dessert: apple quince pie, and pumpkin pie (for real the pumpkin pie was package free... no silken tofu and freaking rock-star good with cashew whip cream on top! f@#$ yeah!)

It was a day full of laughter, kindness, and good digestion. Even as I cooked in at my house, I was greeted by housemates coming (to change after one heck of a muddy family soccer game) and going to get junk food for a quiet day alone in the house, or off to other family and friends. All the while noticing the shifting scents in the house from simmering quince (my first time) to baking sweet taters and steaming greens.... music playing and me dancing with my veggies.... and in honor of Grandma, I never left my soft clothes.

Once we resigned ourselves to NO MORE! We brought out the big weapons of mass relaxation. We carried the futon up from the basement and created the movie moment of the night. We watched Bridesmaid with full stomachs, a fire, and a futon/sofa pit-group! Brian was quite the trooper with 5 women kicked back ready to laugh.

Popcorn popped, toddies or tea made, puppies settled in, we watched one of the funniest movies I've seen in a very long time. Come on! Women with poop and and sex jokes! It was Brilliant.

go Brian!

Look at that steam!

Not sure what happened, but DAMN! that was good!

We then ate dessert and settled in for another movie... Note: no football. No stories of shopping heroics. No one getting up to go camp out in front of some fucking store for great deals. Some thoughts of Buy Nothing Day and Fur Free Friday. But fuck it. We are living the Occupy movement. Most all of our food came either from the co-op or the Farmer's Market.  I stirred my sugar and molasses together to make by brown sugar to go on top of the local sweet potatoes (I know sugar sucks, but... I'm getting there). Oh and while dinner was finishing up the browning of the Bloaf and stuffing, the Record Player was spinning the likes of Pancake Breakfast and some jazz that I just kicked back and enjoyed the snaps and crackles... and we played a game of some kind... oh Taboo I think.

Humm, I had a point.

oh yeah... pie and cashew cream!

When you live outside the "mainstream world" you may still long for the warm fuzzy moments in life. You still want the safe and secure moments where you look at a table full of food and see the gifts spilled out before you with the cornucopia of feelings that everyone you love, feels loved and secure in a season full of strife and challenges.

Why do we have so many celebrations as we enter the coldest, harshest seasons of the year? To remind us that we have so much. We have the warmth, kindness, and love of our friends and family. We have people around us that work hard to make sure that we get good wholesome food on our tables to feed us in our work. We have people willing to stand up in the face of injustice to say "No!"

And we have people willing to say "I will not eat animals"

People who say "I love you".

So here is what I suggest. Stay HOME for the holidays (however you celebrate and with whom you celebrate), and go "home" on less stressful times when you can actually spend quality time with each one. Go swing with the kids in the park. Go for a walk with your aunts and uncles. Chat your grandparents up while everyone else is off talking about the latest bud-light commercial that you will never see. And then.... serve them all your latest concoction of goodness. They don't have to know you rode your bike 20 miles to get it and spent several hours fermenting it to just the right.... well there are just some things family doesn't need to know...

After it was all complete, and I followed my friend out for a ride home, I decided I'd walk home. It was such a fantastic walk. I may have actually hummed to myself as I gazed at the moon. The cool crisp air was refreshing after such a warm comforting day. I slept well dreaming of the season to come.... rumor has it there will be a slumber-christmas party.

And here I give gratitude for finding a community where I feel supported, and for a family that does not make me feel guilty for the choices I am making in my life, and though they may not understand them, they respect me for pursuing a life that feeds me and allows me the space and energy to give back.

Thanks everyone. With 6 weeks or so to go, I'm already thinking "what is next"!

challenges

So I've been trying to figure out how to write about the past couple weeks.... months really. I think I'm just going to jump right in... after I go make a cup of tea... its been a stressful time....

my tea contraption

I was working a lot, and excited about working a lot because it meant I would be able to transition back to being down on the floor, and not up doing "officey" work. I don't sit well at a computer, and much prefer customer service type things. So I was working on training the person that would be doing what I use to, and getting trained to do some work in produce.... all before I went on what was suppose to be a relaxing vacation in the woods, all by myself after a weekend meditation retreat.

All this was happening in my world as Occupy Wall Street exploded around the world, including Occupy Portland. I am so excited about the Occupy movement, that it makes we want to start a tangent movement.... but we'll get to that later.

The Occupy Movement that is happening all over the word is so inspiring and encouraging. More people are raising up their voices and signs, saying this inequality just ain't right! Going down for the general assemblies is amazing. Sure there is a great deal of chaos, especially if you have never experienced consensus or collective work before, but its still exciting. And the longer it goes on, the more organized and easier to follow it becomes. I'm not saying its perfect. I'm not saying there are not flaws. But come on! People from all backgrounds and interest are getting together and talking about how to change a social structure that is no longer able to sustain it's self, or the people living under it.... literally. People are getting trampled, neglected, and tossed aside.

from Occupy Portland's Peoples Patio

I have a great deal of faith in this movement and I look forward to more participation and seeing how we can all come together for a greater good or sorts.

Well, the day before I was suppose to leave for vacation, I get the call that I have actually been expecting all year. My grandfather, one of my biggest heroes/role models/teachers/playmate was preparing to leave this world. He was 93. He lived a good life. He and my grandmother taught a whole extended family (and those that we touched) how to love. Thankfully I made in time to hold his hand, watch him "dance" to some of his favorite tunes, and say ..... well that is between us.

So instead of a quiet river and woods, I headed for Kansas City. I left Portland (after a great meal at Portobello with some of my best homies) at 11 pm and got into KC around 10 am and went straight to the hospital. I came with my water bottle, tea contraption and coffee mug, kale chips, fruit, and assorted snacks. I tossed in some cloths, but I couldn't help but think "man, being vegan is tough there. Will I make it package free too?" The answer, was "no!" I was close. I did fairly well actually. I had enough snacks not to hit the vending machines at the hospital (wouldn't have anyway for nothing was vegan). I always had my water bottle that I even used when we went out to the juice shop. We went out to eat pretty much all the time, but I did alright most of the time. One bottle of beer,  one sandwich wrapped in paper, one bag of chips (in a foggy daze I forgot to order the apple instead), and then frustration at the health food store.

I was running low on snacks, and to be honest, I needed some good solid food. Also, running to the store was my first chance at some alone time since I was sitting alone at the bus stop on my way to the airport.

I quickly learned that I probably could not do the No Packaged Food project in the greater KC metro area. Even the carrots came in plastic bags. Bulk peanut butter.... in a clam shell already... no self grinding. I couldn't use my own containers because they couldn't subtract the weight (why is this so difficult for places?!!!), so I incurred some plastic bags.

One thing I have to say about this journey where I walked, biked, bused, rode the MAX, took a plane, car, truck, and finally a boat... it was soooo magnificent to be welcomed in Seattle, by my friends Jane and Sage, with a warm, healthy, UN-PACKAGED meal when I arrived at their warm and welcoming home! I can't thank them enough for that moment.... And it was on a spontaneous choice in my return flight where I actually ended up leaving from Wichita (Boeing ICT to SEA). They proved that even in a small kitchen, its possible to go package free! Yet, even in big old Seattle they are having a difficult time finding some things that they really want... like raw tahini.

un-packaged in small spaces

one sprawled out city

Fremont brewery... freshest place to get a pint!

I had actually been really afraid that outside of Portland, living package free may not be possible, unless you had a great deal of time to can and preserve your own food. However, it has led me to some other thoughts about community.

When I lived in Lawrence, KS it was totally possible to do this, and I kind of did then. The Merc was an amazing place to shop for a mid-westerner. When I lived in Wichita, my partner at the time and I would stock up whenever we were in the general area. It doesn't have the strict buying guidelines that Peoples Food Co-op does, and it has become one of those "big" co-ops. However, The Merc does have  a fantastic bulk section, mostly local produce section, and does a great deal of education and out-reach to the rest of the Lawrence community.... especially with the youth! If you ever find yourself cruising down I-70, swing in for some good co-op love.

So what are my thoughts? Well that smaller communities may actually stand a better chance at being able to do more than these sprawled out large metros. Big cities may offer more options, but you usually have to drive to several locations to get all your food "needs"met.... that equals no biking! Lawrence you can certainly bike anywhere you want to go. Oh and they do have a good brewery Free State Brewing.

When I talk about the Portland bubble, I'm referring to my little community that occupies the NE and SE areas of the city. There are pockets around that, but nothing like this area. We have a beer cart for goodness sakes! And vegan bakeries, juice carts (where the punch card is for bringing your own glass), we have bike boxes at major intersections and the bike lanes keep increasing.... One reason that we have a bubble is because we have a community. We may not always agree about what needs to happen, but we care a lot about each other, the land, our water supply, our food supply, our air supply (and I don't mean the band), all the beings that live amongst us,  and the impact our choices make on all those things and beings.

The world lost one more person this month that also cares about all that, and he never even saw Portland, OR (well maybe he did on he and Grandma's genealogy tour), but he did see the depression, some wars, too many politicians, raised 5 kids, lots of us grand kids, a few great grand kids, and touched more lives than I can even imagine. My Grandparents have always been the best recyclers I know... always reducing first... and reusing.

I always knew he played the lottery (got a power ball for every Wednesday and Saturday drawings), but only recently learned why. We wanted to start a foundation, so that he finally could give all the money he wanted to, to all the charity organizations that he cared about. He wanted his 5 kids to run the foundation, but could not make any money off of it. It was all to go to fight for good.

Think I might start playing the lottery, and just see what good can be done. Its a long shot, but so is living to be 90 plus years old.

a day at out to pasture

This is Poppy. 

I can't believe it is already October. What a busy couple months it has been. So much is going on, but I think I am going to stay on the vegan front for just a bit.

Last weekend a friend said she was going go to out to pasture sanctuary for the September work day. I jumped at the opportunity. OTP is a sanctuary, mostly, for farm animals. Their motto of sorts is "where a pig can be a pig".  It is a fantastic place, especially if your idea of a beautiful sunny day, is rubbing snouts with muddy pigs and bouncy goats! Its a great place to fall in love with some animals, and gain some hope for humanity with the work of John and Kit.

However, its a reminder of how absent some peoples' brain cells are when they decide that they are going to keep animals in the city for companionship or food.

a 27 year old retired race horse... oh yeah and he is blind.

There are several pigs on the farm because people got them, thinking they were going to be super cute pot belly pigs. Well these pigs are super cute, but they will not fit on anyone's lap that I know. Some times it is because they were lied to by whomever they purchased the pig from (yes, that line sounds disgusting to me too). But many times its just that people do not do the research necessary to know what the lovely creature needs to live a happy life.

I couldn't believe the number of chickens I heard. Its not that I thought it was unusual to hear them on a farm (though most farms I go to are full of peacefully quiet plants), but then the lines got connected. These were all roosters. Many of them were lovely heirloom breeds, and just a crowing like crazy.

look! more than 1 rooster in a coop at a time!

Some days I am slower than others, so it took me a spell to work through the questions: who abandons heirloom chickens (oh roosters so no eggs), what kind of abuse would people inflict on a chicken (oh yeah its a rooster). So, yeah, it took me a few moments to realize these are the abandoned lives of urban chickens. You know, your nice little neighbor who got a few hens so that they could have there own happy little chickens that will give them nice little eggs to eat.

Downside of urban chickens... what to do with the males. Then people spend a few years eating the eggs. Sooner or later the hens get older, along with us, and stop laying eggs... then what. Is there an old hen home? Is there a service to "take care of the hen for me so I don't have to see it"?

This has been a part of the conversations around the co-op and "sustainability" community in Portland lately. So many people have chickens so that the people can have "happy" eggs, and have not thought through the process and ramifications completely. It pisses me off. Sure the chickens are amazingly cute. They look happy, or at least happier than the ones I have seen at large factory farms. Does that make it right or better to own some one's life so that another life can eat the life they create?

goats are sooooo cute too

How much happier would they be if they were allowed to nest up in trees? If people didn't take their eggs? If they could live free with out waiting on a human to come let them out of their coop to eat some bugs and run around?

I could go on and on about the selfish nature of humans that has led to the greater and greater need for more and more animal sanctuaries. Why we need people with large hearts to have space for chickens, pigs, goats, rabbits, sheep, former race horses, llama, donkey, lots of cats, ducks, geese... All beautiful beings left because human animals didn't pay enough attention to details vs. wants/desires/greed.

So when we think about what we eat, we need to think past our own selfish needs. We need to think about who's labor and life went into what is on my plate. Did the people who harvested it get sprayed with toxic chemicals because they work in the same fields being sprayed with bad shit? Did those same people/families get paid a wage that allows them to buy the food they need to feed themselves? Did it come in a container that took tons of energy to make, just so that I could use it for 10 minutes? Are there life forms enslaved so that I can eat whatever I want and not have to pay it true value? What does affordable food look like in a system that refuses to exploit anyone in the process of getting that food from the ground to the plate?

Oh llamas

These are not new questions, however, it is what I think about as, right now, people are occupying Wall Street in NY. Or questions that stop me cold in stores these days. So many are starving just so that others can over indulge in sugary, fatty treats.

I guess this would be a good place to add that I have been reading John Steinbeck again. In Dubious Battle was just as great as The Grapes of Wrath. If we don't see the connections, we become just as enslaved as those that we refuse to see.

On a happy note.... I broke down and got a soy milk maker, and love it. It is so easy and simple to make soy milk (really), rice milk (regular or thick like amazake), and rice paste. So now I can make my own "milks" for just pennies, well quarters to make sure I get organic/non-gmo soy beans. Its fun and tasty. I have actually gotten in the habit of soaking the beans during the day, while I am at work or play, and make the beverage in the evening. Since it is so hot, I can then either make the warm milk with my sleep herbs, or chill it for breakfast. So fun.

The past couple weeks, I've also become addicted to dips or dressings made with cashews. My favorite was a style of vegan raw cesar dressing. It had cashews, just a little pine nut, some lemon juice, salt, pepper, garlic, a fresh thia chili pepper, and a little water to make the blender go. Dang! for 2 days I just dipped whole roman lettuce leaves and avocados in it. Fresh just the way you like it and what could go wrong.... ha! well a lot some times, but then its just funny... more on that in the future.

So, if you haven't done it yet, go to an animal sanctuary, take some friends, and come home to make a meal together. You are guaranteed to be connected.

Why Vegan?

I realized the other day that at the beginning of this experiment, I talked about my guidelines for no packaged food, but what I didn't do was talk about the vegan side of this blog. I've been vegan long enough that I haven't really thought much about defining it. It is true that living in the mid-west I was constantly explaining that being vegan means that I don't eat animal products. Most people didn't get that it also includes no clothing like leather and silk. No products that have been tested on animals. No supplements that contain or are contained by animal products (or tested on animals). No products that are owned by companies that also treat animals as property to be abused, tortured, or eaten.

It can become a difficult, tedious, and heartbreaking research; however, it is much easier than it use to be. I can watch for the vegan symbols, I read up on the brands I know I can trust. I talk to other vegans, and I don't find the need to really consume many products in general anyway.

In the interest of full disclosure. I do eat some honey, and here is why. I use to not eat any honey... super strict vegan, but I have returned to honey for a number of reasons, and I am super strict on where I get my honey from. I only get honey from farmers that do not treat the bees poorly in anyway what so ever, including feeding them sugar water after they rob the bees of all their food or treating them with drugs. I recognize that the labor of bees is exploited to get the produce pollinated; however, as a culture, we have left the majority of our pollinators in a horribly bad way.

So many other sweeteners out there actually hurt more people and animals than does honey. Sugar from canes have tortured and enslaved so many people and resources its not funny. White sugar is ground with bones to make it more white. Agave is so overly processed and the cactus takes so long to grow, and well there is just a great deal wrong with it to me that I try to avoid it. Stevia is ok, but to me it tastes like fake chemical sweeteners. I don't mind it in its natural plant state, but the processed powders and liquids are way too sweet for me. There have emerged so many different types of sweeteners that it makes my head spin... for real. Sometimes people come in and ask for things that sound like something from a science fiction book.... like Xylitol. What the heck is this stuff that raw food folks are going crazy for?

And the big reason that honey remains my exception is that we need people who truly care for and love these pollinators. We need people who are not going to make bees travel all the way across the country so that the California almond crops can get pollinated.... one of the many things leading to colony collapse of the majority of bees in this world.

I also recognize sugar is one of the first drugs we consume and therefor, I try to sweeten things as little as possible. Besides, so many foods are already naturally sweet, like most fruits (including myself he he), carrots, beets, ginger... you get the picture.

In the past I have been gentle with my animal eating friends, and I wish to remain so, but here I want to make it clear: I am for the complete abolition of animals. I don't think that there is truly an human meat, egg, or milk. Less cruel is still cruel. Eggs that come from "free-range" or "cage free" poultry farms are still in cages, still owned (bought and sold) by people. Male chickens in these facilities still have no use and are therefor "disposed" of in some way. They are still treated as property.

Milk and milk products (cheese, yogurt, kifier, butter, etc), whether from cows or goats, grass fed or not, are still enslaved. Again the males have little value and are gotten rid of some way including the horrendous life veal. The females continue to be forced to breed so that they stay pregnant and therefor continue to produce milk. More cattle enslaved into the industry. More calves ripped away from their mothers shortly after birth. If you don't believe that the mama and baby cows don't have feelings, I dare you to watch it happen. It is so very painful. They feel, and they suffer.

What it comes down to is that there is no other justification for the suffering, torture, and death of 53 billion animals every year, other than we like the taste of them, and we need them to feed that habit. For more information on this I deeply suggest this little pamphlet: abolitionist approach. If that gets you going, then try out the book  Vegan Freak. There is so  much more literature out there now than when I first became vegan, and more of it that every-day-folks can follow and relate to.

So what led me to wanting to dive deeper into this side of my blog this week, is that how we identify has been coming up a great deal around me lately. First, was a really funny video about who is more queer. Though I laughed out loud and could recognize people and conversations, it pushed me further in realizing that I really am over identity politics. I see how it got me to where I am currently at. It helps in my awareness that I still have a great deal of work to do in many areas of social justice work. But really, right now, its not helping me grow more open or more compassionate.

These thoughts really took root while I was in a workshop thing, where the facilitator asked us to go around and list the groups that we identify with. I mentioned vegan and queer, but the queer less and less. Not because I see my self as not queer, but the queer movement is not one I can get behind. Gay marriage is not something I am going to go to the streets for. I don't see it making the world safer for the LGBT... people. I see it as another commodification of the queer community. Another way we are suppose to match the dominate culture and act "normal". Fuck that and the rainbow flag. More than happy to talk about this with anyone who wants to later.

Upon further reflection and really thinking about this more and more, what I would have listed is vegan and feminist. Both identities are about giving everyone the same respect and consideration (yes, I do consider animals as someONE, not someTHING). We are all sentient beings that suffer, and should be treated as such. We are all equal in our inherent value. An example of our hypocrisy in our arguments for it being natural and ok for us to eat other animals is then, why do we get so angry when a bear attacks us? Its only natural for the animal to protect it's self, family, food, or be hungry; especially when we are taking up all its space and land for our own over-consumption.

Yet another reason for me to go vegan, and to claim it is a super core value when considering my daily choices, is it is a super fantastic form of self empowerment. Every single time I decide to put a food or beverage in my mouth, or some kind of product on my body, I am reinforcing who I am and what I stand for. That I will not consume anything that causes the suffering of others. I know that this can not be totally 100%, but I know I am making the best choice possible. No animal died for my food. As far as I can know (and I do ask a lot of questions), I am not eating food dependent on the enslavement of people, or forcing them into some really horrible situation because I want to eat as much coconut and bananas that I can ingest. My cloths are not from a sweat shop in China or California.

I'm not claiming some kind of moral superiority. I'm not saying I have all the answers, or even all the questions. But I feel that I can say that I feel good about most of the choices I manage to make every day.

By having fewer identities to label myself with, I feel that I know myself even more. I know what I stand for. I don't need an organization to tell me what I believe, who represents me, who I need to give money to, what I should pray for/to/with. I can let down the boundaries and open up to the possibilities. I don't believe that we have more in common, so that we need to ignore our differences. I believe in each of us knowing who we are and everyone having the space to express their uniqueness. And that includes the animals.

I'll end with a favorite quote: "If you don't stick to your values when they are tested, they're not values, they are hobbies." Jon Stewart.

Breakfast at Gransma's

So this one goes out to Grandma.

My Grandparents continue to be my greatest mentors and teachers. They have never, that I have seen, turned down someone in need of a place to rest their heads, or of a warm meal. They have let all of us bring whomever into their homes whether it was for the weekly family meal, or a major holiday feast. There has always been room for one more.

As a kid, my Grandparents lived in the same small Kansas town as my nuclear family, so we got to spend a great deal of time with them. Every-once-in-while, Grandma would ask me what I wanted for breakfast. I can not remember answering anything other than "Mash". Well I couldn't remember the name difference of the 2 meals. Loved one, did not love the other.

Grandma knew what I wanted.... cornmeal mush. I loved that stuff. Usually grandma would find the tube of it in the grocery store, slice it up and fry it. When I "grew-up" and moved out on my own, I searched everywhere for that stuff to no avail.

Its been over 20 years and I finally decided to search on the internet, and found out I could make it all on my own with cornmeal or polenta.

So a couple weekends ago I cooked up a batch of polenta. Let it sit out for a few hours to firm up. Sliced it up. Fried it up. Added some bulk earth balance and bulk grade B maple syrup, or home made jam, or local honeycomb (I know how some vegans feel about honey, but i get it from people that are caring for these at risk polinators and reuse jars).

Naturally, it was not as good as Grandma's. It never will be. The flavor from her labor of love is un-matchable. But for a moment, I was transported back to an early winter morning at my Grandparents house. Sitting on the counter in feet pajamas. Watching Grandma awaken the house to the amazing smells of a day about to begin. Maybe this is the reason for my awakening early most days. And my love for creating a breakfast before the rest of the house rises. The moment I take a sip of tea or coffee, as a housemate comes down, hair and cloths still clinging to sleep, is an experience you will not get the rest of the day.

Thank you Grandma for teaching me the gift of sharing food and asking those I care for how they wish to be nourished.

Summer Time In Portland

I feel bad that I haven't written more recently, but it is summer time in Portland. It has been a long time coming, and once here... Wow! It is perfect summer weather. So I have been out and about. Doing what you may ask. Well I am here to tell you.

One day I kidnapped a car and went off to the Salmon River Trail. I have been told that the Old Salmon River Road that takes you to the trail is the way people use to get around Mt. Hood. For me, it is an amazing place to quickly get out of town for a spell and relax.

The Salmon river is the only protected National Wild and Scenic river in the contiguous 48 states, where this is protected for the entire length of the river. I spent all day just waling up and down the river, finally settling into a sandy shore to sleep, snack, swim, breath.... be. It's not too far out from the city, so I hope to maybe bike out there next summer and camp.

I returned to the city very calm. Did a 6 day juice fast that revolutionized my life. A friend from work and I agreed to do the "Reboot" together after watching the movie Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. I think I have already talked about this, but I will some more.

Here is a picture of the little friend that woke me from my nap:

the little stinger was drinking the sweat off of my ankle.

Normally this would have kind of freaked me out, but instead I just kind of watched it. When I finally stood up to leave, it followed me for sometime.

Still riding the high of the clean diet, I went for a long walk with a friend. We headed up to the Old Growth Trail in forest park. We had a grand conversation, so I completely neglected the picture taking responsibilities. Sometimes I go a really long between hikes in Forest Park, but it is a true gem in this city. That day we got in 8 miles and were able to brush against some old growth forest....and we didn't leave the city! Portland, I do love you!

Summer is not complete with out a venture off to pick blueberries. Again a car was hijacked (thanks Arturo), and 2 housemates and myself went off to Bear Hallow to pick some berries.

The space is beautiful, the berries were at their peak, its only $1.50 a pound for no spray berries from a very old and established orchard. Then when I got home from closing up the co-op, we made some jam, a pie, and well we ate a lot of them. Add these to the raspberry sauce I made from a great berry exchange, I had my first pb&j in 7 months! A couple bakeries in town have gotten use to me bringing in a flour towel and wrapping up a loaf of bread or baguette to take home. Dang it is good!

Somewhere in there was a long bike ride along the Springwater Corridor. It started simple enough, I just wanted to go for a long bike ride, and not have cars around me too much. So I picked it up along near the Johnson Creek area and headed toward Mt. Hood. It was amazing. I got to see Zenger Farm from the other side:

As I made it around Powell Butte, I got such an amazing view of Mt. Hood, I felt like I could make it there in 20 minutes. Truth is, no, but I can make it to some amazing places to go camping with my bike!  And that is worth some super cheers!

So, that is a snapshot of what I have been up to lately. What does all this have to do with being vegan and not eating packaged foods. Mostly it brings me back to what is important to me, my life, and how I live it. It is a busy hectic life sometimes, but the simpler I make it the better I can move through it with ease. I am learning that I am a very simple person. I am so happy with a plate of rice or quinoa and some kale (or whatever the house or farmers are growing right now). Home cooked meals, enjoyed with good conversations and laughter creates the most satisfying experiences, not to mention good for the digestion. So I hope to start a regular dinner night with friends who want to cook from their heart in their hearths. Creative cooking isn't always about how can I can get crazy on this sauce, but how can I create an exciting meal with what I have right here.

Here is an example. Last night was the General Membership Meeting for the two houses that make up PCH. The host house (this time it was ours) makes dinner. So I was suppose to make enchiladas similar to the ones I made a month or so ago. Well..... I switched rooms in the house, and had been painting and arranging all day. Dinner was running late, so we created a whole new dinner called "Make Your Own Fucking Enchiladas". It was fun. We had the yams, black beans, sauce, tortillas (used blue corn masa this time), and salad all prepared. People just built them up instead of us doing it and then baking it. Its a whole new dinner, and I highly recommend the experiment.

On another note, working at the Co-op, I get to talk to people as they head out for their summer adventures, and I see what they take to snack on. Usually its a can or 2 of coconut water, some kind of bar, and maybe a piece of fruit. At one point I had it in my head that I would make my own "Luna" bars or something, but honestly, I prefer a bag on cashews, walnuts, hazelnuts, some sunflower seeds, dried fruit, homemade kale chips, a pluot, apple, carrot, avocado, peach, dates, figs, peanutbutter and chocolate chips, and a bottle of water. I've started to bring my backpacking water filter with me even on little hikes. The fresh river water is so much better than filling up along the way, so I just go straight to the source. It can all be so much easier if we just look at it a little differently. Next time you are at the store getting snacks, just walk in another direction and see where it takes you.